I read a great article today by Linda Holmes, who works for NPR. Here's the link if you would like to enjoy it as well. It basically emphasizes how important it is to make art in all forms, and to trust yourself as an artist, to have your own vision and work to create that, not just follow the current trend. She also relates how sometimes the most difficult, horrifying moments of our lives can spawn our most important work even if we don't know it at the time.
It was an uplifting, funny article, but it made me think of an experience I had in fifth grade. I was part of an "advanced reading group" who met once a week with the principal to study literature. Near the end of the year he decided we would stage a few scenes from MACBETH. I was one of the witches. At the end of the scene we all moved to the front of the stage to take our bows and I basically pushed Richie, the boy playing Macbeth, out of my way so I could be in the center.
Afterward, every member of my family commented.
"Geez, you practically knocked Richie off the stage."
"Holy cow, you cold-cocked Richie."
"What the heck? You punched Richie."
The truth of the matter is I loved Richie. I pushed him so I could be next to him, which was embarrassing enough, but it was just downright humiliating to have everyone notice, especially because I think they knew I liked him. So, in that moment, I chose to lie. I said he crossed in front of me, that I pushed him because he deserved it, anything to distance myself from the truth. I wasn't going to risk sharing my feelings.
Reading Linda Holmes' article reaffirmed how important honest writing is to me. That may sound a little silly coming from a woman whose genre has an unbreakable "happily ever after" rule. We all know real life doesn't always give us that, which is why I want my writing to be truthful about everything else we feel. I want to share my fear, humiliation, exasperation, wonder, joy, heartbreak, and triumph with you. I want to take the risk so you don't have to, give words to what you're feeling if you don't want to, write the happy ending when you can't see it, make you believe in love because it saved me.
I told my friend, Janet, the story about Richie today. "That's why I'm an addict," I said. "Mortal embarrassment." But that wasn't the reason. It was that my first reaction was to lie. I didn't want to own my feelings. I didn't want to tell the truth. Years later when I got clean and decided to be honest, to share the real me, all good things happened.
Go. Be unafraid. Be the real you. The world is waiting.
wow Megan you just gave me some really helpful food for thought about a problem I'm having. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteYeesh. I hate embarrassing moments like that. I have so many of them. I make a point of owning them but every once in a while I will be taken totally unawares by someone putting me on the spot and the temptation to lie is there. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I don't.
I think it is impossible to be truthful all the time. But a lot of times I weigh what I'm going to say based on what I think the other person will say, when really it's my right to just share what I'm feeling. That doesn't mean I have to be rude or uncaring, just that my thoughts and feelings count for just as much as the next person.
DeleteI lie a lot. The truth is hard sometimes and I don't want my friends to think less of me, or my dh to give me a hard time or to embarrass myself or my kids.
ReplyDeleteThe place I know I can be truthful is with the Betties.
I don't think it's necessary to share everything we feel. It's quite fine to be private, which we often forget in our brave new world of barrier-breaking technology. Not everyone needs to know what we're thinking.
DeleteMore specifically, my point is that I don't want to lie to myself. I want to be unafraid to explore what I'm feeling and express that in my writing. I want to take that risk, even if it's uncomfortable.
P.S.: I'm so grateful to know the Betties!
I'm safe then. I don't lie to myself and my writing is all me. Thanks for the reminder that we are allowed privacy.
DeleteGreat post, Megan. I don't lie so much as I close up and don't reveal what I'm thinking or feeling--a kind of a lie when feelings need to be shared. I don't want to get hurt...um, Sigmund? We could use you over here...
ReplyDeleteYou aren't alone in your desire for self-preservation. Every day we have to negotiate all our relationships and figure out the best way to be "us" in those situations. I think it's just worth examining how often we subvert ourselves for what we perceive is the greater good, and if that's the actually bad for us.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
ReplyDeleteI think honest writing is what connects us to readers and keeps them coming back. We've all suffered almost unbearable upsets and humiliations, but when we take those out and air them, publicly display them and speak about them with honesty then we connect because the reader is saying, "Oh yeah. Been there. done that."
I hope so, Robena, since my stories are all based on my life! I would be hard pressed to write fantasy!
DeleteGreat post (and wonderful article). Being free with our selves and our writing is about being a powerful ME person, too. And keeping ourselves genuine, from the inside out.
ReplyDeleteBut I tend to go the other way, no filter-no barriers. I OVERSHARE, a lot. (As many of you know.)
Oversharing is appreciated as well! I think it helps remind us that what we feel is universal, that we aren't truly that different from one another in what we want for ourselves, for our families. If we all remembered that, wouldn't the world be a better place?
DeleteI'm with Julie. I overshare and I'm proud of it! But I've been known to lie when embarrassed, fortunately it is incredibly difficult to embarrass me. Hugs. Also I really enjoyed Five's YuGiOh fact of the day. The cards are banned at the school where I teach but I've been known to battle with the kids during indoor recess using the cards they smuggled in. Don't tell on me, okay?
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