Last weekend, the Captain and I had dinner with our dear friends Janet and June. I say "our friends," but I only married into the friendship. The Captain's relationship with the twins predates ours by eight years. At this point (twenty-eight years in) I feel like I'm an equal partner because I could probably recount their childhood hijinks like I was in cahoots. But every so often I'm reminded they have a whole history that doesn't include me.
It does, however, feature Captain America, Superman, Batman, the Flash, and a whole slew of superheroes from universes I didn't even know existed. To this day I can't tell you the difference between the Marvel and D.C. characters. I mean, I sat through the 3D version of "The First Avenger" because I love my Captain and Chris Evans is easy on the eyes, but I'm never going to have a meaningful discussion about how "Man of Steel" broke Superman's cardinal rule. (He never kills anyone. But now that I think about it, maybe he doesn't kill humans, which would make it okay to kill aliens. But they're really his race so that wouldn't work either. That's all I've got.)
The twins can wax poetic on all things Comic-Con. I lack this gene, as was apparent during the conversation bandied about the table the other night.
June: "Okay, three wishes. What do you ask the genie?"
Captain: "I want Flash's super-speed."
Janet: "That would be awesome if you could have his metabolism, too."
Captain: "Right? I could eat this whole meal in like three seconds, travel around the world and come back and eat it all over again."
Janet: "It must take a tremendous amount of energy to be that fast. You must have to eat all the time."
June: "How long does it take him to circumnavigate the Earth?"
Captain: "About a second."
June and Janet: "No. That can't be true."
All three smartphones access Safari.
Janet: "One-tenth of a second."
Captain (smugly): "See?"
Me: "Three wishes? I don't know, I think I'd ask for my children to not have any disabilities, that there be no poverty in the world..."
Captain: "Well, sure. But with the third wish, it would definitely be super-speed. Hey, speaking of genies, did you guys see that picture of Barbara Eden? She's, like, 80 and she wore the costume again for a charity event."
Accesses picture on the smartphone. Passes it around the table.
June: "That is not the same costume, but she does look great. You know what never made sense to me? Jeannie and Major Nelson never got together."
Captain: "In real life or on the show? Because I'm pretty sure Larry Hagman tried to get with Barbara Eden."
Janet: "I never saw the appeal in Jeannie."
Captain: "That's because you weren't a teenage boy."
Janet: "No, she just wasn't very smart. I much preferred Samantha Stevens."
June: "Wouldn't it be great to pop in and out of people's houses? I would visit you guys every day!"
Captain: "Right now I have to visit the restroom. Okay, I'm back!"
June: "That super-speed is amazing!"
It's a blessing to have friends that stay with you your whole life--through the good, the bad, and all the Star Wars films. And I, who has no recollection whatsoever of Antman, am especially grateful the Captain still has his homegirls in his life. In the immortal, altered words of Jerry Maguire, "They complete him."
June and Janet are more than Wonder Twins. They're Wonder Women.