I haven't written because we're back in school. Here is a re-cap of the first three weeks:
Resumed driving One back and forth to county college.
Chased and tackled Five on neighbor's lawn after he refused to board bus on first day.
Captain away on business trip.
Mandated visit to the psychiatric ER to obtain a letter stating Five could return to school after verbalizing his anxiety about being in school for the first time since last March.
Racial epithets.
Call from principal explaining Four said language learned from youtube and used in response to being called a fat fag.
Teenage break-up.
Subsequent holes punched in Two's wall.
Captain away on business trip.
House used as safe haven for female teenage friend whose family kicked her out.
Daily negotiations to get Five into school every morning.
Shut my finger in the van door. Pain, blood, infection.
Stopped Four's enraged schoolmate from chasing him into the house after an argument turned physical. Calmed him down while we waited for his mother because the driver refused to let him back in the van.
Another visit to the ER with Five who sliced open his finger using a large serrated knife to cut through a chicken bone. He wanted to see the marrow.
Interned my mother's ashes.
Add in the usual--homework, athletics, three back-to-school nights, visits with the nice psychologist who might help Five, reams and reams of paperwork--and you get a feel for why I finally asked my doctor for drugs.
This is the first time in two years I've looked around and thought I can't do this.
I'll let you know how it goes.
I love you. I support you. I believe in you.
ReplyDeleteAnd know that, actually, you CAN do this.
You ARE doing it.
That's true. I do get out of bed every morning and get them all out the door. And I generally feed, clothe, and support them throughout the rest of the day. So I'll take the win.
DeleteThat's true. I do get out of bed every morning and get them all out the door. And I generally feed, clothe, and support them throughout the rest of the day. So I'll take the win.
DeleteWhat Julie said.
ReplyDeleteIt IS a lot to handle and I honestly don't know how you do it, even when you aren't having to convince and coerce Five into going to school every day and deal with Four's problems with schoolmates and smashed and cut fingers and all that.
If you need help, then you need help. No one can do everything and we all get worn out. You've had an immensely tough year; you are probably still exhausted. Ask for help. Accept help. Bitch and moan and vent to all of us. Do whatever you need to do now to get through. And accept your need for assistance. You have done and continue to do an amazing amount, and for all of that you are a hero.
Even heroes have limits.
Sending you love and sparkly vibes to help you along. Take care of yourself, like they remind you to do on the airplane. Fix your own oxygen mask first.
I'm going to try and figure out how, specifically, other people can help. I have to get in the mindset of acknowledging I'm not the only person that can git 'er done. Thanks for passing the mask.
DeleteI'm sorry things are being so vexing. Maybe you can't do it by yourself because your cape and wristlets need a vacation. And by vacation I mean 'help.' When Sean goes on one of his long-term business trips, I have learned (it was a hard, humbling lesson) that sometimes I ask for help or things don't get done. And both of those things are usually ok. It isn't what I wanted, but it's what happens and life marches ever onward. Ya know?
ReplyDeleteSide note: I'll be in Jersey this weekend for very sad reasons but maybe if you have time, we can get a coffee.
I'm very sad to hear the news but I would love to see you. Life is relentless in its marching. Seriously, how about some parade rest?
DeleteWebs
ReplyDeleteGood on you for asking for help. Also I give you applause for finding a nice dr for five to talk to, those nice docs who work well with kiddos are hard to come by.
I get distressed if Michael is home late and I only have one kid. You are a spectacular person but you are just that...a single person facing the onslaught of horror, rage, drama and suffering that comes with a houseful of children,
And do not think I am discounting the hurt finger because that is the one more damn thing that can drive us over the edge,
Love and hugs and feel free to vent.
OH THE FINGER! It happened on a Sunday afternoon. Can you imagine? The day before school starts all over again! And the Captain had to leave the next day!
DeleteSurprise, it's getting better. Just like me, after venting.
Thanks for the hugs.
What Skye said. I might add if you are tempted to get a Jack Russel Terrier Cross: DON'T. I don't care how cute it is.
ReplyDelete(I love mine, but I do believe if I had more on my plate she'd be in danger of heinous acts against her person. She just came in from outside covered in mud and rolled all over my bed.)
Breathe. Know we love you. Trade with me for a week. I'll deal with your teens (and younger), you deal with mine. Everyone will be on their best behavior and we'll both get a break. Plus you get to be in Vermont where it's lovely.
I will never get a Jack Russell. I have ADHD kids, I don't need a hyper dog!
DeleteIt's true--my children would be super-well-behaved for you. Damn them.
I really do need to visit Vermont. We have more than one friend there now, which makes it absolutely necessary!
Oh. My. Gawd.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't enough wine in the world for you've got going on! OF COURSE YOU NEED HELP! I had to do some breathing exercises after reading all of that.
WEBS. You can do it because you ARE doing it. Julie is brilliant. "Even heroes have limits"... Skye is brilliant, too. It would do you a world of good to take Sarah up on her offer of coffee. Getting away and having you time with a friend is basically the oxygen mask that falls from the overhead compartment during a plane emergency. Everyone should always listen to Diva, who is wise and sassy. No better combination! Kate has given superb advice re: Jack Russell mixes. They are adorable Spawn of Satan. Just finished dog sitting for one that almost robbed me of my sanity.
Seriously, I've been juggling more than my fair share for a while now and had a bit of a breakdown last week. Just because we are capable of doing it all doesn't mean we should. Asking for help or letting a ball drop here or there is OK.
Be kind to yourself. It's the greatest kindness you can give your family. XOXO
Spewing it out into the interverse helped, but really it's my kind and lovely friends (YOU GUYS) who make me feel like I can keep going.
DeleteAnd so I shall.
WEBS.
ReplyDeleteAnd big, big, bear hugs, and a kiss on top of your head.
I miss my mom so the kiss on top of the head would really help.
DeleteI'm so far away don't know how I can - but if there is anything I can do to help - don't hesitate to ask.
ReplyDeleteHey do bad puns make you laugh? I could supply you with the occasional bad pun.
"A man walks into a bra..."
It made me laugh because I am the only bra-wearing person in this house!
DeleteYou help just by being here. Thank you.
Ok. This is serious now. Give me a time to drop by on Saturday or Sunday. I'm bringing over dinner. Really. If you don't give me a time, I'll just drop it off and hope the raccoons don't eat it. You don't have to talk to me or clean up or put on real clothes or anything. Any allergies or sensitivities?
ReplyDelete(She'll do it, too!)
DeleteI'm not kidding. There I will be, on your doorstep, and your kids will be going, who is this weird woman and why is she bringing us food?
DeleteI would totally let you do it, but I won't be here for most of Saturday or Sunday! I have a much better idea, which would still require you to take pity on me: come visit me and have lunch. Outside of my house, of course, with people to wait on us. Email or direct message me on twitter or facebook and we can make a real plan!
Delete