I almost started this post with "In the grand scheme of things, all is well." But I think the opposite is true. In the small particulars, all is well. The grand scheme seems a bit fucked up right now.
One started college today. Due to miscalculations, a sleepy child, and a dog who refused to stop peeing on every damn blade of grass, he was four minutes late to his first class. However, he made me feel better when he said at least ten people got there after him.
Despite his late registration, we managed to cobble together three classes for the semester, with a manageable schedule to boot! He has two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and one on Saturday morning. I drive him, and while he is learning I retreat to the library to work, which at this point means revise. He has about 90 minutes between his classes, so today we familiarized ourselves with the cafeteria, and where he could sit and work if he wanted. He seems most excited about the fact that his brothers will attend school every day while he only has a three day commitment each week. There will be hurdles along the way, but just for today, all is well.
Two had his (If I let these suckers grow in all the way, I still won't be old enough to have acquired any) wisdom teeth removed. He feels well enough today to have had an emotional discussion about my plans for the upcoming school year and how they affect him. We had a falling out this summer because he betrayed my trust in him, and I have explained that it will take an indeterminate amount of time for me to recover. But we're talking, and I'm trying to listen with an open mind and heart and not just issue edicts out of spite. Just for today, all is well.
My mother is still here with us. She suffered a significant decline while we were in Yellowstone, and will never fully recover her previous mobility. Pulmonary fibrosis sucks. I'm a little nauseous about the series of discussions I must now have with my stepfather about her care, because she needs more than he can provide down there in Florida. I anticipate resistance, and more conversation than I am able to muster the energy for at the moment. But just for today, she's here-on the planet and in our home-so all is well.
I have to admit that the stress is affecting me. I can feel my heart racing, and my brain won't stop trying to process the issues that are bothering me. It's making for some really boring dreams. The good news is that I'm losing weight, and by the end of the semester I'm going to have fantastic legs! The Captain reminded me to look for the silver lining, so just for today, all is well.
Now I'm going to bed so I can dream about driving around the college parking lot in an endless loop so I can make it home in time to put a fence up in my neighbor's yard before I fight with my stepfather. But I will be lying next to the Captain while I slumber, in a house bursting with people who I love. Just for today, all is well.
As a bonafide college professor, I can assure you that four minutes late on the first day of class doesn't make too many of us blink. What kind of classes is One taking?
ReplyDeleteI have explained to my parents, quite severely and quite repeatedly, that they are not allowed to take ill or decline. I just won't have it. Give your mama a hug, and take my FGBVs, prayers, good thoughts and positive energy for the upcoming chats with your stepfather. Is this something your siblings will participate in?
One is taking sociology, psychology, and basic math. He had to declare a major, and humanities was the closest to his interests. The first day was very busy and crowded, but this morning it is sleepy and quiet here on campus. Apparently, there isn't a lot of demand amongst the 18-22 year-old set for 8:30 Saturday classes! Nothing is even open, which is why I'm sitting in a study lounge on the blog instead of revising in the library--no coffee yet!
DeleteI hope your parents listen to you! Pappou and I have the best relationship of all my siblings, so they may have opinions but I will be the mouthpiece.
And even though it sounds grim, tomorrow may be well, also. I hope that for you!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time. Everything is manageable in small bites!
DeleteAs someone said once somewhere "Life is just one damned thing after another." I hope your heart takes some deep breaths, and much vibes to your mommy.
ReplyDeleteMy reply ended up at the end of the page! Thanks for the vibes. I'll have my heart call you, and you may speak sternly to it. It's tuned me out, like a headstrong teenager.
DeleteOy. I got heartburn just reading that. Much hope and love coming your way, especially on behalf of your mom. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteSorry for the heartburn, but thanks for the hugs!
DeleteOne is a college man! I can just see him walking around with a ukelele and a big beaver coat. Wait, what century am I in?
ReplyDeleteYou might notice that I too have chosen to dwell on the awesome and glance past the more challenging stuff. Still, you the Captain everyone over there on the hill are never very far from my thoughts, particularly your extremely awesome Mom. All is well.
Nope. Definitely wrong decade. It's not a ukelele, it's a guitar strapped onto his back. And he's wearing an army jacket, long bell bottoms and rose-colored sun glasses. Pretty soon the Captain is going to start yelling, "Get a haircut and a shave!"
DeleteKids today.
We followed a young man into the cafe the other day. He was wearing tight leggings with a furry tail, so perhaps that is the look of this generation. I half expected One to stop and ask if it was a raccoon or fox tail, and then explain that they wouldn't really be at college during the day, although they do have diurnal tendencies, but normally they would be sleeping, unless they were rabid.
DeleteWe're still trying to find the college that will give him the dual animal behavior/meteorology degree.
Love, hope, and FGBVs coming your way to you, your mom, and the rest of the family. Glad you could have these good details among the overall difficulties. Deep breaths and hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to breathe deeply when I notice my heart in my throat.
DeleteI can get overwhelmed by the big picture, so it's easier for me to stick with the incremental plod forward. It makes it easier to recognize the small accomplishments!
Big hugs to you, and especially your mother, and yes, you are a strong woman, you'll work this out. And while I understand everything is hitting all at once (as it always does) I trust you. In fact, I can envision you using that wonderful quiet time in the library to write the next great American novel. See the bonus in that, use the time wisely. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's my plan! I'm all alone in the study lounge right now-it's delightful! As soon as the replies are done, it 's back to the Great American Romance!
DeleteHey sweetie, sorry about two having his wisdom teeth pulled. I saw your MIL at CVS on Thursday I had all 4 pulled lol. I was looking forward to watching Leo this year guess you had someone else watch him. I miss you guys and so excited One started school this year. He'll do great he always does!! I've learned to breathe through everything. Just sit there and count to 100 if counting to 10 doesn't work and say I'll get through it. The captain is right there is always a silver lining in everything and I'm happy for you and all you've accomplished through the years with the kids. You're a great mother and a wonderful woman!! If you ever need me to watch the youngest kids I'm free just give me a call!! Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tash! Leo and the boys would love to see you. The Captain didn't go to the beach with us this year, which is why Leo didn't need a sitter. We would never give him to anyone else!
DeleteI hope you're feeling well-oral surgery is draining. Who knew your mouth could hurt so much?
I feel your stress. Maybe not to the same extreme, but we had to make the move with our Asperger's boy to first grade where there are no snacks and they have homework and they have to sit in a desk and the teacher doesn't send home a note EVERY DAY to tell us how he did. DEEP BREATH.
ReplyDeleteI know he'll be fine. It's me I'm worried about. I've always sucked at homework.
No snacks?! What kind of barbaric system do you have in Montana?
DeleteHugs to you and Dad as you begin the elementary school journey. Transitioning to new grades and teachers is difficult for our Asperger's boys, but harder on us. And because One has a physical disability on top of that, I continue to worry about simple things like finding the right bookbag that opens easily and wide enough to wrestle binders in and out. Plus, he's a lefty, which means most of the school supplies aren't made for him anyway! But One doesn't freak out about these things, so maybe I should take my cue from him.
You'll do fine with the homework. You'll be amazed how much you've learned over the years!
No snack in first grade? are we savages?
Deletealso i teach 2nd and i text or send notes every day to the parents who want them. i make up a little form where I can circle stuff that happens commonly.
Hurrah for One! Now, as for your mom, major fgbvs prayers and hugs for the road ahead. You've advocated for your kids so your skills are honed going into a tough journey where you have to safeguard and assist mom (who is pretty damn awesome, btw). Hugs. I hate that you have to do this and face this and that Two is being a typical teen when that sort of crap should go on merciful hiatus during trying times.
ReplyDeleteBig love and can't wait to read your novel, fyi.
Thanks for the love and hugs. Today's conversation with the teenagers will center on helping Mommy as she deals with her daily challenges. They're not complete dicks, so maybe they'll get it.
DeleteWEBs. You constantly amaze me, Megan. Many, Many FGBVs.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate. The last two boys went back to school today, so all is REALLY well now!
Delete