26 September 2011

The Meandering Tale of the Missing Megan

I opened the email on my smartphone the other day, and there was a message from my friend Deborah, a.k.a. Witchy Betty. She told me the Bettyverse was worried, because no one had heard from me in over a week.

I was shocked. And touched. I felt very Sally Field-ish, knowing that people like me, they really like me, enough to notice my absence. So, in a nutshell, this was my week:

Last Saturday, we had soccer, and threw a birthday party for Five at a cool gym with giant inflatables. Later in the day, Mom moved in for a week-long visit, while Pappou was traveling.

Tuesday the kids had a minimum day, just to torture me, and we had Back to School night at Four's school. I'm a little nervous about the amount of work he's being asked  to complete, mostly because I think homework breeds school hatred.

Wednesday, took Mom for a haircut, then went to see my doctor about my extreme exhaustion, heart fluttering, and general aches and pains. Silently threatened her life when she uttered the word "perimenopause," then gave a few vials of blood to rule out Lyme disease, thyroiditis, and arthritis. Called to make a date with the podiatrist about my self-diagnosed plantar fascitis. You know, the reason I can't go on the treadmill.

Thursday, took Three to the orthodontist, so they could tell me his teeth had moved. Because he hadn't worn his retainer. They offered to take new impressions and cast new retainers, all for the bargain price of $550. We went home, and I told Three to shove those suckers back in his mouth, no matter how much it hurt.

Went to One's Back to School night. He is a "Fifth Year Senior," which gives him an opportunity to navigate school on his own, sans a personal aide, for the first time ever. He's taking really cool electives, in mainstream classes, in preparation for attending county college next year.

Friday, Mom woke up in pain, unable to move her shoulder or neck. We made an appointment with the chiropractor for 12:15. I went to school at 9:30 to collect Three for his sit-down with the pediatrician, to investigate the knee pain he'd had since Saturday's soccer game. We can now go see an orthopedist if we choose. I gave him more ibuprofen. Left the chiropractor with Mom at 2:00, in time to go get children at rainy bus stops, and deposit them at home.

Raced to pick up rental linens for father-in-law's surprise 70th birthday party. Drove to charming lake community club house to set up, walked into teen dance party. Drove to Costco instead to get the hors d'oeuvres, a case of bottled Coke from Mexico, and flowers.

Saturday, loaded the van with supplies, and met with the oil company rep about installing a new boiler. Realized She-Who-Cannot-Be-Trained (Cobie), was not in the house or the yard. Sent the Captain and assorted boys to look for her. Went to charming lake community club house again, met sister-in-law. Moved a lot of  chairs and tables, draped them with the rental linens, and decorated them with old 45's and Gerbera daisies in the Coke bottle vases.

Got a call from the Captain, informing me Cobie had been impounded for the weekend by our town Animal Control officer. Yes, the girl dog is unregistered. Hell, I never registered Leo, and we've had him for four years. I was busy. I forgot. On the upside, this development eliminated my need for a party-time dogsitter.

Went home to shower and change, then returned to community club with Two and his helpful girlfriend. Set up hors d'oeuvres, greeted guests, and yelled "Surprise!" to stunned F.I.L. Danced with Mother, Brother, Sons, and Husband. Had fun, cleaned up, passed out.

Sunday, Four gently woke me at 7:00. Managed to stay in bed until 7:40, despite his repetition of the phrase, "Come on, it's time to get up now." The poor Captain awoke with a migraine, and Five crankily rose an hour later. Spent much time soothing him, and eating carbs. Felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Took Five to Toys 'r Us to buy Legos with his birthday money. Drove to Mom's apartment to help her find her cell phone, before loading her up to come spend another five days with us.  Bonus! Yelled at teenagers to  finish the god-blessed homework that I didn't know about until 5:00 on Sunday.

Ate Sunday dinner. Hopefully expressed the proper amount of love to Janet, who helped Three create a chart on the computer, and then pulled all the remaining chicken off the carcasses, so we can make pot pie tomorrow. Put little people to bed, then actually watched television! Yelled at teenagers to go to sleep. Kissed the still-suffering Captain goodnight.

Wrote this post, even though I'm certain I've already published some other boring version of it half a dozen times. Will now go empty and load the dishwasher for the third time today.

I missed you guys.


  1. Well, yeah, we did miss you and are glad you're back. Now go lie down and eat some chocolate. I thought my week was bad! Now I know why we stopped with two kids - my head would have exploded!

  2. What Karen said. Head asplode. Laughed my butt off at, "...I told Three to shove those suckers back in his mouth, no matter how much it hurt." Because I would have done the same thing. Followed by a threat to make him pay for it if I had to buy a new one. Glad you're back. :)

  3. Missed you! And I agree with "head asplode". I wanted four kids. Got zero. Now I'm glad that I didn't get four. Well, if I had a partner like the Captain, and the fortitude of you, maybe it would have been doable. I think you are totally awesome! I personally think you are quite gentle with them all, given the circumstances. :)

    Glad you're back. I missed you during my time away, too.

  4. That sounds like some week. I like the coke bottle idea. It sounds very cool.
    I am not remotely bored by this post. I think I speak for everyone when I say, if you have time to write it, we are more than happy to read it. I am jealous about chicken pot pie. It is a personal favorite.

    @Skye - I agree about The Captain. He's a Prince among men.

  5. Anonymous26.9.11

    Oh how we missed you!!! (And yes, I was one of the whiners who wanted to know where the hell you were. Fine. Now I know.) Please tell me that you schedule some "Mom rest" moments into your schedule someplace. (Lie if you have to.)

  6. Of course I felt the love!! Plus I didn't work all that hard. I spent half the evening watching ball games with the Captain while he folded laundry, which is a past time that I love a lot. And it was great to spend time with your large, handsome family.

    As June mentioned, we are happy to get whatever posts you decide to write. But - if I might make a request - I'm interested in hearing about Miss Cobie's stint in the Big House. The Pen. Stir. What have you.

    I just hope she didn't come back all tatted up. That would be a shame.

  7. In reverse order:

    @Janet: I did have to ask her to surrender her shiv and extinguish the cigarette before she got in the van. She's more mellow now, so we think she may have been Scared Straight.

    @Julie: I didn't think of it as whining. I thought your concern was very sweet! My mom rest moments are here in front of the computer. So, you see how that worked out last week! Also, I occasionally lie down now when overwhelmed by exhaustion. Which is why I went to the doctor, because I am unaccustomed to feeling exhausted. It bites to have limited energy.

    @June: We're making your pot pie recipe, which is the only one I like! Yum. We might follow it up with your meatloaf, with the very-Bettyish bacon topping. Double yum.

    @Skye: Yay, Skye is here! I'm not so much "gentle" as pragmatic. We've tried excessive force and it yields no better results. I do go back to it every so often, just to double check my data.

    @Delia: You have a giant family (which is different than a family of giants), so why aren't you as crazy as me? I mean, you finish books and everything! I think it's because you're a Virgo. Even slacker Virgos have mad skillz.

    @Karen: I don't mind admitting that I've hit the box of Mallomars more than once.

  8. Uh...no. My kids, none of whom have yet hit puberty, all go to the same school. Two of them opted not to participate in fall sports (slacking is an inherited trait). Which means I have one kid in peewee soccer, three in CCD, one in Girl Scouts. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, I have no official obligations other than to get them on and off the bus. Also, their bus stop is at the end of our driveway. If I shift three feet to my left right now, I can see it. Slacker Virgo is still a slacker.

  9. Anonymous28.9.11

    Of course we missed you.
    I did the retainer thing, they are such a pain in the arse I decided to stop wearing it...man did it HURT when I had to put it back in.
    Glad to hear that you're ok.


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