My Coy Innards

Before I had my procedure last week, my Aunt asked if I would post the results on the blog. I told her I wasn't sure, because, really, how intimate do we want to be, folks? But since last night's sexual intentions alert, I feel like we've gotten closer. I would have shared last week, but Blogger broke on Friday, and then the weekend came, and I forgot about it. Some of you have been kind enough to ask how I'm doing, so here are the deets.

My upper endoscopy was scheduled for 10:30 on Thursday morning. The Captain took the day off to accompany me, and Erin stayed home with the dogs. The surgical center is brand new, quite lovely, and feng-shui correct. There was a beautiful water feature behind the reception area, and all the furnishings were patterned in subtle greens and wood tones. The nurses, however, all wore blue. It was jarring. I may comment on that in my customer service survey.

Despite their clashing uniforms, the nurses were terrific. There were many of them, and they instantly endeared themselves to me by offering heated blankets. The facility was very cold, and soon I was buried under three blankets. Then they inserted an I.V. and pumped cold fluid through my veins. I asked for another blanket, because they were losing their coziness as I waited for my doctor. He was on-call at the hospital, and had not yet arrived.

I could feel my blood pressure rising, not because I was nervous, but because I'm busy. I get that he's a doctor, off saving people's gastro-intestinal systems, but my time is valuable, too. And I'd sent Five to school that day, knowing he didn't feel well, so I worried that the school nurse would call while I was under anesthesia. And what great stuff that was! Fast-acting and effective.

When I awoke, a new nurse brought me ginger ale and Lorna Doone cookies. We talked discharge instructions, I got dressed, and then I waited in a recliner for my doctor. Frankly, I waited too long, but that could be my pesky sense of self-importance talking. Finally, he arrived to tell me the results, and here is where the facility fails. He spoke to me in front of other patients. Really? There's no private office in all of those swanky digs? That's definitely going in the survey.

So, thanks for following this fashion-conscious, mildly disparaging, commentary all the way to here, just to find out that the endoscopy didn't reveal anything out of the ordinary. We're waiting on biopsy results to find out if there is H. Pylori present, which could indicate an ulcer, but they didn't see one. They also took samples to test for celiac disease, but my symptoms are not indicative of that. So...I will now schedule another test, which will determine if my gallbladder is failing. And then they can yank that sucker.

When I know those results, I promise to write a one-line post, to reward you for sitting through this one.