Six joined us for dinner the other night. He and Two have been friends since kindergarten. They have an easy, funny relationship, and they make me laugh. Here is the transcript of their dinner conversation.
TWO: Every once in a while, Leo walks by me and I think, "We have an animal that lives with us. He's an animal and he lives in our house." It's weird. But you know, I think he thinks he's human. That he's part of our family.
SIX: Well, I think he knows he belongs to you, but I don't think he thinks he's human. I think he knows you're different than him. But he's a totally chill dog.
TWO: There was a bear over on Seven's street this afternoon.
SIX: Who saw it?
TWO: The bus driver.
SIX: I would totally run away if I saw a bear.
TWO: Uh, no you wouldn't. It would catch you.
SIX: How fast can they run?
TWO: About thirty-five miles an hour. Well, grizzlies can. Black bears aren't that fast. Black bears are like the slow, stupid cousins of grizzlies.
SIX: Then I guess I would just have to fight the bear.
TWO: Yeah, you're not going to win. The bear would maul you.
SIX: I thought you were supposed to make yourself big and yell at the bear.
TWO: No, you're supposed to lie down in a ball and play dead. I saw this guy on "Animal Planet," and he was talking about how he came up a ridge and saw a grizzly with her cubs, and the grizzly locked eyes on him and just charged. There was no time for him to do anything, because it's like an animal the size of a van just running right at you, so he dropped to the ground and played dead. The grizzly came up and poked him, figured he was dead, and left him there.
SIX: That would suck. I still think I would try and fight it. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Punch it in the nose?
TWO: No, that's if a shark comes up and bites your leg.
SIX: Dude, if I'm in the water and a shark comes up and bites my leg, I'm not going to be able to remember to punch him in the nose, or the gills, or whatever. I'll be freaking out about my leg!
TWO: I know! But this guy said the shark had his whole leg, and he just hauled off and punched him dead in the nose and the shark opened up his mouth and let him go.
SIX: I feel kinda bad for the shark. You know, he's just swimming around and he goes to take a bite, and he doesn't know you're not a fish, and then all of sudden he gets punched.
ME: True. Humans look a lot like seals from underneath. Especially humans on surfboards.
SIX: Yeah. It just seems unfair.
TWO: I'm still totally punching the shark if it bites me.
It was a very entertaining evening.