Staying sane amid autism, anxiety, and too many penises.
I'm sitting here trying to come up with something helpful to say, but the only thing I can think of is that's a much better puppet than I can make. I say the craft gods are inhibited by all the testosterone flying around in both our houses.You are an awesome mom.
The problem is all the penii underestimate the difficulty of their fanciful projects, and overestimate my skill. But accurate measuring is not a male strong suit. Ask any man to show you "six inches" with his hands.
I am so framing that and putting it on my refrigerator.
Ummmmm, it's very ugly. But it's not really all that bad. With arms and something to wear, I think it would be pretty good. Much better than I could have done. But I would never attempt a freehand craft. I need detailed instructions, preferably an actual blueprint. And mine would still look like that. If Five thinks you are bad a crafts, it's only because he hasn't walked a mile in the moccasins of my hypothetical offspring.Sadly, this Thomas character demolished the curve and Five couldn't readjust. Besides, I bet Five's written report was one of the best. You are a superb mom. Five is fortunate in the extreme.*Janet*Same goes for One through Four
I had actual clothes, stolen from a mini bear! But then I thought we could just draw them on there, which was ridiculous!I know I can always count on you to keep your eye on the curve. I'll have to devise ways to "adjust" it. (Did you see the L&O Community episode?)
*snort* The phonics word puppet brought back all the bad memories. Heehee. *wipes eyes* Please tell me that puppet is supposed to be Henry.
That puppet would have been the spitting image of Henry! If it had arms. And clothes. Didn't you see his reddish-brown hair? How can you not see the resemblance?
This is where I could hypothetically be all smug and self satisfied because I just created a cow costume off the top of my head that rocked the "Into the Woods" production at our high school.Except I can't. Because when called upon to make a puppet at the very last minute I produced something very like the one you produced. So I must sweep my smug self satisfied attitude under the rug.
While we do discourage being smug, we at The Diaries encourage bragging. One should always toot their own horn! (And believe me, we know tooting in this house.)You are cleared to pull the rug back and release your self-satisfied attitude. It was a cow costume! I mean, holy....cow!
I have just learned two good lessons: 1) I need to take out my sewing machine that has been packed in a box for 20 yrs and see if I still know how to use it. 2) Keep a supply of glue, paper plates, googly eyes, felt and stuffing around at all times. I will learn from your mistake--thank you!!! XOXO J. Kolis
We consider The Diaries to be a series of public service announcements, so we are happy to be useful! I will also suggest you begin saving large shoeboxes. Dioramas are in your future, and I can confidently say yours will have the most beautifully painted backgrounds ever! I've seen your work.
Too True, I can't wait to see the type of art projects that Jessica will help produce. The school will probably keep them to sell at fundraising events.
Only Five could claim ptsd flashbacks over the phonics word "puppet".FYI I teach second grade and think your puppet rendering of henry is adorable. I am lucky if I can get them to write vocab definitions on Monday nights. A puppet might make me faint due to the effort and creativity involved.Also, you have FIVE children. If he wanted long blocks of uninterrupted innovative brainstorming on art projects he should have been born FIRST.
I have relinquished all creative control on future projects and have informed him I will serve only in an advisory capacity. And I'm telling you--I was going to draw an outstanding striped shirt that would have brought Henry to life!
Okay, let me start by saying that this whole post was so funny, I'm lucky I didn't pee my pants.And you can probably take Five's future therapy as a research expense. If I'd had to come up with a last-minute puppet, I assure you, it would have been a sock with a mouth drawn on. Probably in lipstick, because I couldn't find the red marker. Five doesn't know how lucky he is :-)
Today he told me we should have just gone with a sock puppet, because everyone else's were sock puppets and they looked great. I told him all future puppets would be two-dimensional."Research expense." I like the sound of that. Of course, I'm going into therapy first...
I am with Deborah... I guffawed! Blurted out a HAH! and smiled ay lot!!! Good try super woman; really!
I am mentally filing away the fact that my Wonder Woman bracelet will make an awesome puppet crown someday...We're always trying to improve the quality of our products here at Casa de Penii.
Oh the drama. I'm not very good at crafts either. I think your puppet could have spruced up okay.I love your telling of the tragic story, though. Poor 5.
Considering the trauma, I think he bounced back pretty quickly. He was relatively compliant about making the poster, which already makes him light-years ahead Two, who was very nervous at that age. I think of him as my personal treasure trove of stories. He's a bottomless well of tragicomedy.
Oh, I laughed so hard. That poor armless puppet. What were you thinking? Okay, sorry, that is very, very, bad of me. You are a great Mom and you jumped in there at the last moment and created...well...something. And at least he could sit. But no arms? No freakin arms? Anyway, I'm sure Five will get over it. Send him to me for sock puppets. I have a PhD in sock puppetry. ; )
Here's what I was thinking:Shit. I've already sewn this rectangle part. Okay, I think I make legs. I'll just add arms later. Wait! I can just draw the arms, and a whole outfit, and it'll be like a Weeble-you know, a 3-D hand-drawn puppet-like thing on a stick.Fuck it. Let's make a poster.
Oh oh oh deargawd that kid is PRICELESS! But yeah, those three I gave birth to have their own huge, towering pile of pathetic stories, all balanced precariously on top of my negligence and massive suckitude. Poor things, all eight of 'em.You and I, on the other hand, are just doin' the best we can.
The Captain suggested I save Bad Puppet in the memory box, and drag it out fifteen years from now for a laugh.But I know Five. Fifteen years would not be enough time. So Bad Puppet was removed from our home to prevent accidental re-exposure to this black moment.
BWA HA HA HA!!! It's awesome, I love it! If only he had read a book about the Ugly Dolls.I was waiting for the part where the Captain walks into the kitchen and recoils in horror and suggests you do a poster instead.I am so sad that Ugly Henry wasn't saved for posterity. Well... we'll always have this photo.
I once bought an oil painting of a little girl. I hung it in my room, but it so creeped out the little boys I had to give it away. My sister the feng shuist told me I shouldn't have anything in my house that I hated. I applied this rule to Ugly Henry. I knew he would haunt us from the memory box in the cellar, and no one wants a possessed Bad Puppet.
Thanks for reading! Unlike other Diaries, this one isn't private. Feel free to share your thoughts. Politely, of course.