21 November 2011

Deep Thoughts by Megan Coakley

I've been struggling.

With what? Good question. I'm still trying to figure that out. Often, when I feel overwhelmed, I can easily identify and break down my issues into bite-sized pieces. Other times, I embroider, elaborate, and encompass, until I am examining every feeling I've ever had about every issue in recent history.

This is one of those other times.

I'm not even sure what triggered this latest crisis of navel-gazing. Probably the power outage. That was a week of treading water, when I had real tasks I needed to accomplish. There is always too much for me to do, so to lose all those hours was very frustrating. The anxiety just snowballed from there, until I was practically hyperventilating. By this Thursday I was contemplating the relative benefits of Xanax to Klonopin.
Not with a doctor, of course, because that would mean I asked a medical professional for help. Pshaw.

I prefer to do all my deep thinking alone. It seems silly to pay someone to listen to me while I sort it all out. It's just so much more efficient to let me do the dissecting, and if I can't think of a solution on my own, then I can contract out. However, I can see how this process might seem exclusionary. Especially if you're married to me.

Which prompts more ruminating--about my behavior, how I want to live my life, the kind of person I want to be, the reality of my dreams, my goals for my children, and on and on and on.

So, instead of keeping it all in my head, I'm going to share it here. Maybe not all of it, but the parts I can articulate in some fashion right now. It might be a messy, jumbled journey, but you're welcome to ride along.

9 comments:

  1. ha. dh and the captain could have some conversations about the exclusionary thing. :-)

    Sounds interesting, I'm looking forward to hearing more.

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  2. Oh my, the deep stuff. I do my best to avoid that. Mostly I strive for shallow. (I kid.) Talk out whatever you need to talk out; we'll be here.

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  3. I called shotgun for the ride along!

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  4. Oh yeah, the deep stuff. You know it just sits in the back of your head while you're all busy and stuff and can't pay attention and then just ambushes you. So talk out whatever you need to, as Delia says, we'll be here with sympathetic ears.

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  5. I'll bring tea and cookies! : )

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  6. Thank you all for the support!

    The Captain says he's looking forward to reading my deep thoughts, because, you know, I'm not sharing them out loud.

    @Robena: good idea, because we might need them for Lora. She's got a shotgun.

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  7. Oh we're gonna need snacks! And, I've got my seat right here, g'head, we will totally be your sounding board. (Glaring at Lora from the backseat.)

    The Captain may want to ask Daniel about some pros/cons though. A wife who talks NONSTOPALLTHEDAMNTIME or one who percolates her thoughts and doesn't let them out...
    Julie

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  8. You know, Julie, if you sit in the backseat behind Lora you can repeatedly kick the back of her seat and annoy the shit out of her. And just think - you're preparing her for the reality of driving the Sweet Pea when she gets older! Right, Megan? I KNOW you know what I'm talking about!

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  9. Looking forward to the Continuing Adventures of Deep Thoughts. According to some study or other, talking to someone you trust can be as therapeutic as a therapist, so pshaw! pshaw!

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Thanks for reading! Unlike other Diaries, this one isn't private. Feel free to share your thoughts. Politely, of course.