27 April 2011

O Coffee, coffee, wherefore art thou coffee?

My mother called this morning, sounding slightly panicked, and asked if I was okay.
"Yes, I'm fine. Why?"
"Well, there was no blog this morning, so I got worried."
It's nice to know I've become so reliable that my absence provokes worry. There's nothing further wrong with me; I just haven't had the late night energy to post at my usual time.

I am recovering ever so slowly from my as yet undiagnosed malady. But what's really kicking my ass is the fact that I have had no caffeine since last Friday. Those of you who know me personally will understand the magnitude of that statement. I love me some coffee. Especially the Fairway Supreme Blend that June brings me, or the Tip of the Andes that Janet gets at her local coffee shop. I drink coffee when I read all the blogs in the morning, and when I post late at night. Not to mention the late afternoon, for that extra boost of energy needed to wrestle children to the table to finish their homework. I have a sign in my kitchen that says, " Give me the coffee, and no one gets hurt."

I started drinking coffee when I got clean. Twenty-three years ago, one could still smoke cigarettes in rehab, and the only beverage at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting was brewed in a giant urn. Because I was desperately missing the feel of a drink in my hand, I took the joe. And added pounds of sugar and cream. Addicts are nothing if not adaptable.

I've had to lay off my sweet, muddy elixir a few times over the years, most often during pregnancy, when I was too nauseous to enjoy it. However, I found that once the darling parasite was out of my womb, the desire for coffee returned. And trust me, when you've already got a passle of kids, and a new one keeping you awake at night, coffee is what keeps the pack alive. I would drink a whole cup before going to sleep, so that when Boy Three, Four, or Five woke me in the middle of the night, my synapses would be ready to fire. Without the java, the lads would have perished.

I think the worst of the withdrawal is over. I didn't wake with a massive headache this morning. I've been bitchy, but I think that can also be attributed to the fact that I've been in pain. Currently, I am not jonesing for a fix. I am worried, though, that when I go see the specialist, he will tell me to lay off the perk for good. And I'm not certain I can comply. I think the benefits of imbibing outweigh the risks. Recently, coffee consumption has been shown to reduce the risk of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease, as well as gall stones and gout. It fights cancer-causing free radicals, and increases cognitive ability! Who cares if it irritates the hell out of stomach? Can't you just take a pill for that?

Once an addict, always an addict.

I must now dash-okay, move ever so slowly-to complete three days work in twenty-four hours. I am leaving for the conference tomorrow, come hell, or hiatal hernia!

I miss my inky goodness.


  1. Oh no, I am so sorry. I mean, I knew the situation wasn't good, but I had no idea. I've had to give up caffeine, but I don't know what I'd do if I had to give up coffee. I drink decaf mochas. Chocolate, contrary to popular belief, contains theobromine, a much milder stimulant, not caffeine. Thank the good lord because I don't think I'd make it if I had to give up both. (Though my behind would probably thank me.)

    Incidently, my sister has had a stomach ulcer for years and she does take a pill for that. And she still drinks coffee. (Enabler, anyone?)

    What makes your stomach feel better? I'll bring some.

  2. I'm very happy you're feeling better, even if it is ever-so-slightly. We had a round of strep throat here that I thought was sent from Lucifer himself, so having to be in pain and care for FIVE children is beyond the realm of my imagining.

    I had an OB nurse that insisted coffee was a clear liquid. While my husband looked dubious, I did not try to dissuade her and quickly gulped the cup of love down before the midwife could come in and ruin my fun.

    And, I didn't appreciate the dye part of the CAT scan either. Mostly because it made me feel as though I'd peed my pants, and really who needs that in the midst of pain?

    Hope the recovering continues and at a brisker pace!

  3. @Delia: The Captain has warned me to be wary of "Fred Garvins"- male escorts looking to cash in on a conference full of romance writers. Therefore, it might send him the wrong message if I said I was packing Jell-o and whipped cream. But I might, because it makes me feel better! I think I'll be fine when I finally get there. I'll just drink water during the drive. Blech.

  4. @Sarah: The dye was the worst part of the whole day! The technician really pushed down on my I.V. when he inserted it, and it brought tears to my eyes. The whole body heat wasn't exactly the romance novel kind of flush, either, so points deducted for that, too.

    I like the way your OB nurse thinks.

  5. Oh! I had to give up caffeine (dr pepper addict here) due to bladder infections for nearly a year. I practically wept with relief when I could have it again. Yes, it means that much to me.

    I am on limited caffeine due to pregnancy (and full sugar...no diet) but without any...I'd snooze all day.

  6. PS Whenever a blog is "late", I hope with all my heart that beloved blogger got to sleep in!

  7. My mom and grandma both had hiatal hernias. Gram never completely gave up coffee but did cut back. Mom switched to tea (for which I credit ME) with milk, and also Lattes and Mochas when she discovered them. Milk seems to help. Plus, Mom took Nexium for years which makes a huge difference. Sometimes a pill is required, addict or no. :) And I cannot see Nexium as being quite the addicting substance, other than letting you get addicted to feeling better.

    Good luck, dear, and have fun at the conference. Tease the boys. :)

    Y'know; the Old Spice Guy ought to be a VIP guest at some romance writers conference. Just sayin'.

  8. I gave up Diet Coke for Lent, again, because I'm a fool. That's my main source of caffeine, so when Lent starts, my iced tea consumption goes through the roof. Caffeine is my friend.

    All of this is the long way of saying that you have my sympathies, Megan. ;)

  9. LOL Fred Garvin! Somehow I don't think I'd have any trouble resisting. Though, if Dan Aykroyd shows up...I could use a sugar daddy right about now.

  10. I hope you feel better soon and get to keep drinking coffee. If you guys hire a male escort, or find other creative uses for jello and whip cream, I want pictures. What happens on the blog stays on the blog. :)

  11. Anonymous28.4.11

    Oooh, good thing your Mom stepped up! It was Dan's weekend and I just plain missed the boat. Gah, Slacker Virgo fail.

    I've blogged recently about how I "forgot" to drink coffee at one point, after being a three pot a day gal. I feel for you, I simply switched addictions too.

    On to the conference! With Jell-O!
    (Yeah, BFB's right, we're gonna need pictures.)

  12. I watched a show about people eating local for... I think it was 3 months? And the first thing they all went for first day back was coffee. Which is funny because the physical addiction had to be out of their systems by then. The peoples just love their coffee. I never took up the caffeine--my theory is it's because in university I was able to stay up all night writing papers without it, via my natural bat abilities.


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