28 March 2011

Melancholy Monday

The weekend was different than I planned. Disjointed. Well, that's not accurate. Disappointing? Not exactly, either. Disconnected, perhaps.

The only real plan I had was to attend a Beefsteak/Cabaret dinner on Saturday night. It was a fundraiser for Two's Chorale. The Captain, his parents, and our dear friends, the Tech Grrlz, had reserved seats. The In-Laws had to cancel, because their grandson was playing in his first hockey tournament. It's hard to resist five year-olds on ice, in giant pants and helmets. Then, the Captain and Three's Championship Team pizza party got moved to Saturday night, so he was going to have to leave me at the fundraiser for awhile to go toast the boys.

We were trying to piece it all together, but on Friday, the Grrlz received very upsetting news about the medical condition of one of their friends. She is a young woman with small children, who has already endured, and recovered from a life-threatening illness. I think I have only met their friend twice, but I feel like I know her from a lifetime of conversations I've had with the Grrlz. It is just daunting, and depressing, to think she may have to fight again. I knew they would want to spend time with her, so we cancelled our plans for the fundraiser.

It worked out logistically, because it meant we could go to the pizza party. It was important to the Captain to see the team one last time. Then he and I went for some dessert at the diner, to take advantage of the fact that we had a babysitter. Except the phone kept ringing, because Two was our babysitter, and Four and Five wouldn't go to bed for him. So, we went home, put kids to bed, and watched a movie on the couch, instead of at the theatre.

Sunday, I ran all day long. I dropped Five at CCD, and went to Walmart and Home Depot. I picked him up, unloaded Walmart, and brought Three back for his CCD, during which time I went to Costco. I went home, unloaded Costco, and picked up Two to bring him to confirmation class. Then I did Target, the grocery store, and the pharmacy. The Grrlz came by for dinner, which was great, but they looked as exhausted as I felt. I think the news about their friend added to a general melancholia I've been battling.

The Captain had a hockey game tonight, so we ate an early dinner before he flew out the door. I haven't really spent much time with him lately, and I think that's why I feel so adrift. It wasn't the crazy, ever-shifting Saturday that had me so out-of-sorts. It's that I've been untethered from my anchors. I enjoy my time alone, but when I am gone too long from the family-physically or mentally-I suffer for it. I like to say they're going to be the death of me, but in reality, they are my lifebuoys.

Please keep a good thought for the Grrlz' friend. She doesn't know us, but maybe we can be her buoys, too.


  1. Anonymous28.3.11

    Healing blessings to you and the friend in need. Julie

  2. DItto Julie.

    I know what you mean about being untethered. Those reconnecting moments are very important, even when they are brief. I don't always recognize that especially when we're all running, until we once again reconnect and everything again seems balanced.

    I bought a necklace for a friend this weekend-- it is an abstract interpretation of the YIN YANG symbol. The description on the back seems to apply here:

    "The TAO symbol of HARMONY, representing light and dark, sun and moon, heaven and earth, male and female; symbolizes the interdependent and complementary nature of the universe.

    YIN means and represents darkness, dullness or clouds, the feminine aspect; [note: i have a problem with this-- I believe the females bring the light, but anyway...] YANG, in opposition the risen sun, brightness and light, the masculine.

    Though opposites, they do not conflict. as night [YIN] moves into day [YANG] and back, the dawn and dusk between the two allows for the confluence of both, representing continuity. Similarly, with the seasons and all the opposites in the natural world."

  3. What Julie said. And I'm sorry you're feeling so unmoored. I'll send some thoughts your way, too.

  4. Because I always keep the Grrlz in my heart and prayers, anything remotely attached to them are included. Sending healing hugs, long distance, to you too.

  5. Sorry your weekend was so out of sync. I don't know how you manage at all, actually. I hope this week you get to see the Captain more. And my sympathies to the friend of the Grrlz, and to them as well.

  6. Hi all. I wanted to thank you for the kind words of support for our dear friend Jane. She is a 11 year breast cancer survivor and she got news on Friday night that a pulmonary specialist believed that the cancer has returned. Megan was right. I was about as wrecked on Sunday night as I can remember being. But Megan and the family took great care of us. They fed us a very nice dinner, and Five entertained us with stories and homemade animation. Then the Captain played some hockey to further distract us.

    But there is some great news. We just heard from our friend. She still needs to have a lung biopsy, but for some reason, the doctor no longer seems as certain that it will be cancer. After a horrible weekend, we have real hope. Please keep the good thoughts coming. We will need them.


Thanks for reading! Unlike other Diaries, this one isn't private. Feel free to share your thoughts. Politely, of course.