28 February 2011

Time Bank

I did not watch the Academy Awards. Well, I watched a little. The Captain came to find me in the little boy room, to tell me Two and Three wanted to watch the Oscars with me. I acquiesced, considering it a bonding experience, and stayed through "Best Supporting Actor," won by (spoiler alert) Christian Bale.

Two: "Wait. Christian Bale has an accent?"
Mom: "Yes, he's British."
Two: "Has he done any films with the accent?"
Three, in a superior tone: "Yeah. Don't you remember him in District 9?"
Mom: "He wasn't in District 9, honey. That was a South African actor."
Two: "See? You're even more stupid than I am."

Then I left to write the blog. I want to bond and all, but at a quicker, TiVo'd pace. And without the sibling sniping. I don't want to waste the time.

Years ago, the Oscars would have been marked on my calendar as a recognized day of celebration. Perhaps I would have hosted a party, or at least made puff pastry hors d'oevres for my personal consumption. Now I no longer have three plus hours to spare for sitting in front of my television. The competition for my time is fierce.

Earlier, I spent an eternity in the bedroom with Four and Five, reading books and then snuggling. After an hour, I went to climb over Five, and, semi-conscious, he clutched at me to stay. I rubbed his back for a few minutes until he loosened his grip enough that I could sneak away.  We're both recovering from him vomiting all night long Friday and Saturday. I don't bounce back from those all-nighters like I used to when I was younger. By Saturday afternoon I had passed out on top of my bare mattress, stripped of the sheets that had absorbed Five's germs. When the Captain came to find me, I was so disoriented I thought it was Monday.

Sunday was no less fuzzy. Two was meeting his choral group at the wake for Sean, and I blinked back the tears as I reached up to knot his tie. I realized I only get him for about three more years. Then, hopefully, he'll be like his father, and leave for college and never come back. I know he'll still be my son, we'll be in his life, but it will be different.

I wish there was a life time-bank. One could look at the calendar, and rearrange the hours as needed.
Term paper due on Friday? Borrow hours from Monday and add them to Thursday night.
Sister coming for a visit? Save up and splurge for an extra day.
Had a fight? Shorten the days after, so you can get to the recovery faster.
Children growing before your eyes? Stop time as needed.

Time is flying,
life is rushing,
years are passing,
I am grasping.


  1. Anonymous28.2.11

    Because mine are all adults (or so their driver's licenses say!) I am enjoying the memories of their childhoods anew (without the puked on sheets) through you and Delia and Kelly and Lani (and so many others).
    The time bank is a perfect idea, there are whole years I'd like to bring back.
    Thank you again for allowing us into your heart and home this way.

  2. So glad you're feeling better, and loved Five's fail today. Classic.

    Every moment IS precious. Enough to sit and watch Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, and that game show Baggage with daughter :o xoxo

  3. The poignancy of your words bring tears to the back of my throat. It hurts there because they get stuck and only a few make it out of the eyes. I will always wish for the time to be of help to you and feel awful that I can't be there. I feel your exhaustion and I know I've been there many times in my life and survived but it's not the same witnessing your children go through it. Hang in there honey. Maybe this week will be a better one. I love you.

  4. @Julie: Thank YOU for reading!

    @Chrys: Sometimes they beg, and I'll stand still for "Tosh.0," but I draw the line at "Jersey Shore."

    @Norma: I may have to forbid you from reading if all it does is make you cry!

  5. I tOo wish that I could freeze the time. I can't believe that one is now seven. Two gets bigger every day and I know that someday he won't want to build legos with me anymore, nor run off to show one and three what I have made. Three asked me after I put her to bed for the second time last night if I could stay and snuggle. I said ok for a minute and shortly there after got up to get my suit ready for the next day. She asked why I was leavng and I told her. Ok she said, just come back when you are done and we can continue our snuggling. I did return and I spent the entire night. When my watch went off this morning I laid there for a moment enjoying the fact that I got to spend the entire night with just her. I know that won't last forever and that realization makes me sad...


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