28 January 2011

They Both Have, And Are, Dicks

Boys are not like girls. You know that. Specifically, my boys don't share their feelings like girls might, although Three and Five come close, but with more violent imagery. My boys don't scream and cry at eachother, they just belittle and threaten. In short, they are dicks.

This is most apparent in the interaction between Two and Three. Years ago, they were thick as thieves. Two years apart in age, they were Frick and Frack, Donald and Goofy, Chandler and Joey. We have photographic proof. The age difference didn't matter when they were 11 and 9, but it is huge now that they are 15 and 13. Two is a good kid, but he can be ever so slightly superior and dismissive in tone, especially with Three. And he is absolutely not above calling him names, or pointing out his physical failings.

I think Three would like to still be friends with Two, but has been pushed away often enough that he's now just plain angry. This leads to seething, and descriptions of murder ("I'm going to lie in my bed and wait until he's asleep, and then I'm going to slit his throat. Just like that."). Then I get pissed off, drag in Two to make him apologize, punch Three when he flips him the bird, listen to them jaw about who said what, until I lose my mind and tell them to grow the fuck up.

Stunned silence. "Nice mouth, Mom."

Then I go watch Four and Five playing together on their bed. For now.


  1. :)

    Keep trying. THe brotherly angst has GOT to be earning you some good karma.

  2. Brothers are a chore. All that testosterone in one place is a recipe for conflict.

  3. Is good karma accruable? Because then I am totally covered for all my future failings!

  4. Some days, I cannot wait until they're old enough for me to tell them to grow the fuck up. Other days, I think, "Oh dear God, it gets worse?"

    Yeah. You're totally covered karma-wise.

  5. Well, apparently in Tampa a woman was diving her 13 year old son to soccer practice and he was mouthing off to her, so she shot him. Then went home and shot the 15 yr old daughter who was also mouthing off. So, as horrible as this is, it shows you are way ahead of the game [and despite what you may be feeling on a daily basis, quite sane], and your kids have a lot to be grateful for. Maybe you should share this story with them? Might be good for a little peace & quiet.


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