04 April 2012

Good Things Happen in Three


Three's team won the championship!

For the second year in a row, the Captain and Three advanced to the finals and won a hard-fought contest. We are excited for all the boys, especially the ones that had never played on a team before this season. I am especially proud of my guys, who have been together as coach/dad and player/son since third grade. It hasn't always been easy.

Life with Three has been a challenge, like assembling a jigsaw puzzle. The picture on the box looked fairly straightforward, but when we opened it up, it was missing a few key pieces. Three was speech-delayed, which we've learned is an indicator for other disorders. He had sensory issues, which primarily presented themselves in a steadfast refusal to wear anything other than track pants. He was nervous in new situations, which became belligerence as he aged. He was self-centered, but had no self-awareness, so it was impossible to have a logical discussion about his behavior.

Three began missing school days in third grade, and by fifth I could not get him through the schoolhouse door. We had witnessed his anxiety, but didn't recognize it by that name. We just found it infuriating, because, well, Three looked normal. He didn't have any of the physical difficulties of One, or the social awkwardness. He seemed fairly well-adjusted, except for the constant battles to get him to batting instruction ("I don't need anyone telling me what to do. And they think I suck."), football practice ("My ankle/wrist/back/hurts/ I think I'm concussed."), or religious education ("I don't know anyone in my class.").

Three is a natural athlete, talented in any sport he chooses to play. He could be a great athlete, if he were willing to work at it. Which has generally not been the case. In the past, this drove his father crazy. But when Three's anxiety finally overtook him and he wasn't able to attend school for four months, the Captain had an awakening. Youth sports weren't that important anymore. Whatever Three decided to play was fine, even soccer. When they were paired again during basketball, the Captain and Three decided to treat each other as coach and player, which worked out better than father and son.

Over the next few years, Three's attendance at school improved. He joined the chorus, and performed in the school musical. He gave up football, which made us all happy, but continued with soccer, baseball, and basketball. This year he joined a spring youth basketball league, and plays for a coach he had never met. Impressed by his skill, the coach invited Three to attend a clinic he was hosting at the New Jersey Nets training facility. It was a last minute invitation, and most of Three's teammates were away for spring break. The Captain and I were astonished when he said he would attend. Alone. In the past, we wouldn't have even told him about the opportunity.

Next week, Three will return to the eighth grade, and juggle his weekly commitments of homework, play rehearsal, baseball games, and league basketball. He's expressed an interest in attending a six-week advanced skills clinic run by one of the top high school basketball coaches in the state. We're so impressed by his recent dedication to the sport, we're willing to fork over the cash.

He has not missed a day of school this year.

Three is growing up. He is still goofy, even more so when his ADHD meds wear off at the end of the day. He still acts irrationally, but apologizes to me when he crosses the line, because he can now see the line. Recently, we talked to him about getting a job as a caddy, and his initial reaction was dismissive.

"I don't know anything about golf. And I don't want a job where I have to meet new people."

"Three, you need to recognize how far you've come," I said. "You went to a clinic where you knew two people walking through the door. You led your team to a championship even though you'd hurt your elbow. You're at school every day. There's no limit to what you can achieve in life."


After a pause he said, "You're right, mom. I was telling a girl my life story the other day, and her dad overheard the conversation. He told her I was a keeper."

We agree.

27 comments:

  1. My eyes got a little watery. So happy that Three is coming into his own and that his own is good for him.

    Um, Costco has churros? This move to the east is going to be fun!

    PS It's April and you're Awesome!

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    1. STOP THE PRESSES! What move east??

      I would like to add that you're Amazing.

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    2. Mid-June the Gallaghers will be relocating to Ft Meade, MD. You have been warned. :)

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    3. Maryland! We can practically talk through string-cans! Oh, who are we kidding? Our kids will just open the windows and yell to one another. It won't matter that there's a state in between.Believe me, you'll hear them. Woo-hoo!

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  2. Yay, Three! And kudos to the Captain for accepting Three's reality instead of trying to force Three into the Captain's.

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    1. It took us a while, but we've decided to let the square pegs retain their shape.

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  3. Yay! for Three. I love to see kids maturing. Used to volunteer at a special ed jnr. and high school. It's amazing the difference a year can make. I'm also impressed that the Captain stepped back and let Three discover what he really wanted to do.

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    1. It is amazing and wonderful! Sometimes we get so caught up in the daily crap, we forget to look at the big picture.

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  4. Very impressed with the Captain's ability to separate the parent-child dynamic from the coach/player relationship. We are SO invested in what our kids do and the choices they make are so very personal to us--that had to be really hard. And hurrah for Three for reaching outside his comfort zone and letting himself be a star! (you know the old 'we fear that we are powerful beyond measure'!)

    And bravo to the Lone Woman for retaining her sanity and sense of humor with grace and style.

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    1. Some days are harder than others (you may know this from reading the blog), but overall, great strides have been made by all!
      It's like Reader's Digest says: laughter is the best medicine.

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  5. I think he's a keeper too; and yet, I am in the outer family circle- not having been in the maelstrom over the years..... I still think he's a keeper.

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    1. I think last summer gave you a close enough look! They're all good eggs--different grades, some with double-yolks, brown shells, white shells--but worth keeping in the basket.

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  6. I don't know if this will come as a comment or a reply. I'm at work and this is kind of hinky.
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who had watery eyes.
    I am continually amazed at you & the Captain's parenting. A co-authored book on parenting by the two of you would be awesome!

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    1. I told the Captain we could call the book "Do As We Say, Not As We Do," and he reminded me we should be proud of what we've accomplished. I am, but we've learned a lot through trial and error, and error, and error. I guess that's the beauty of having so many of them! Things are going to be awesome for Five!

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  7. Go Three! This is a wonderful example of what time, love and acceptance can do.

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    1. You bet. They are who they are, pretty much from the get-go, so it's best just to let them be.

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  8. Very late to the party, but WOOHOO for Three! That's so awesome all around!! Yay!

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    1. This joint has no closing time, so you can show up whenever you like! Feel free to mingle, and thanks for sharing in the festivities!

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  9. Wow. What huge strides you've all made, and then, you RECOGNIZED them!!! You're like SUPER PEOPLE!

    Seriously. Big time cool.

    (But I lol-ed at "... my life story..." because ya know, he's so OLD now!)

    Also, what the hell is wrong with you that you did NOT drop everything and drive off for a churro?!

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    1. Please see reply below, as my fingers selected the wrong button.

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  10. You know, he remembers at least ten full years of his fourteen years alive, so that's a lot of info to share.

    I see churros in my future...

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  11. Woot! for Three! And a double Woot! Woot! for Megan and the Captain. You guys rock.

    But can we stop the churros talk, for Pete's sake? I'm dieting and you are killing me.

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    1. I have managed to appease him with cinnamon toast. So now you can think of dry toast, which is highly unappetizing.

      I hope you have better dieting success than moi.My brain has chosen to interpret the signs I posted on my cabinet doors as "Gain 5 lbs."

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    2. Hey, my Hurricane is arriving with a new book, from a very cool woman who says she can teach us how to eat better and lose weight. In 30 easy steps. I'm gonna do it at my place (because ya know, I don't have ENOUGH of these things going on right now). We'll all be thin in minutes!

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    3. I'm intriqued. Report back to us!

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  12. You guys, and Three, are all doing a GREAT job. He's lucky to have such loving and smarty parents. But kudos to him too, wow wow wow.

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    1. we're very proud of him. He just went for a job interview! Wonders never cease. Now if he would just clean his room...

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