My children are starving. Starving, I tell you! I am depriving them of their favorite foods, while I force them to eat...all the other fecking food that's in this house!
Last week I came home from Costco with my usual order which, on average, runs me $200. I went to put some of it away in my pantry in the garage, and there was no room. The shelves were filled with other foodstuffs. I hadn't checked the pantry because the garage gets chilly in the winter, so I keep my visits brief. But it was warm enough that day to get a real gander at what's been hiding behind those doors all winter. Then I went and checked my kitchen cabinets and my freezer. Pretty much the same deal.
That night, the boys and I sat down to dinner and I told them I had come up with a Lenten project for the whole family. We would learn to be less wasteful and more grateful for our blessings.
"Let me guess," Four said, "you want us to give up something."
"Not exactly," I replied. "I want us to eat our food."
"I want us to eat all the food we have in the house before I buy any new food."
"I think that's a great idea," Two said. "Especially that top shelf."
The kitchen pantry houses the chips on the top shelf. For some reason, it drives Two nuts that we have so many open, half-eaten bags up there. It's probably because he's the only one tall enough to eyeball the inventory.
The little boys demanded clarification. Did this mean when the cookies were gone, we wouldn't buy any new ones? What about waffles?
Yes and yes.
"I'm going to starve!" Five whined.
"We need to start saving the cookies!" Four cried.
"What about milk?" One asked.
We decided milk, vegetables, and fruit could be replaced after they were all consumed. I'm wavering on sandwich meats, because I'm pleased that my previously picky eaters will now eat protein in the middle of the day. Desserts did not make the cut. That caused the greatest amount of consternation, only because the boys have no idea how much crap is stored in this house. They could eat Hershey's kisses until May.
Yesterday, I toasted the last two waffles. Five eats waffles for breakfast every morning. He actually leaps out of bed when he hears them pop up, then runs, semi-conscious, to the kitchen table. It's amazing he hasn't separated a shoulder bouncing off a wall. This morning I made him eggs and an English muffin. Apparently, English muffins do not jump out of the toaster with the same noise frequency as waffles, because I had to wake my slumbering lad.
"What's for breakfast?" he mumbled into his pillow.
"Eggs and an English muffin," I whispered.
"Are the waffles gone?" he moaned.
"I'm going to starve," he said, before trudging down the hall.