08 February 2012

OK, You--Go!

I was standing in the kitchen last night when my phone buzzed with a text message from Two.

 "Come downstairs."

Yes, my children routinely task entire satellites in lieu of walking upstairs to talk with me. I used to yell at them, but then I realized I'm spending about $200.00 a month on our cellphones, so I own part of that satellite.

I worried about the terse nature of Two's communique. Was he injured, and could only crawl to his phone to bravely tap a plea on his touchscreen? Worse, was there a giant cave cricket that had him pinned and unable to safely exit his bedroom? More likely, would I find him pummeled and bloodied by a brother who finally snapped as a result of too many ping-pong losses?

Nope. He wanted to show me a video.

This is how Two bonds with me, so I will usually stand still for the required four minutes of viewing. I'm so happy I did! The video is worth watching for the marvelous engineering, but I was also struck by the lyrics.

I've been waiting for months, waiting for years,
waiting for you to change./
Aw, but there ain't much that's dumber, there ain't much that's dumber,

than pinning your hopes on a change in another./
And I, yeah I still need you, but what good's that gonna do?/
Needing is one thing, and getting, getting's another.

So I been sitting around, wasting my time,
wondering what you been doing./
Aw, and it ain't real forgiving, it ain't real forgiving
sitting here picturing someone else living./
And I, yeah I still need you, but what good's that gonna do?
Needing is one thing, and getting, getting's another.

I've been hoping for months, hoping for years,

hoping I might forget./
Aw, but it don't get much dumber, it don't get much dumber
than trying to forget a girl when you love her./
And I, yeah I still need you, but what good's that gonna do?/
Needing is one thing, and getting, getting's another.


When? When? Why not now? Why not me? Why not me?

One of the things I learned early on in Narcotics Anonymous is that I can only change myself. That doesn't mean I can't share my feelings, or tell someone they've hurt me. But I shouldn't do that if my only motivation is to get them to change; most likely they will not. I need to express myself because it will release me from the chains that bind me--anger, resentment, bitterness.

If you can fully embrace this idea, it eliminates a lot of frustration. Of course, it's really difficult to do on a regular basis, and especially with the people we know best, like family. But the alternative is sitting around, wasting time, picturing someone else living.

I've been trying to actively visualize what I want, so I can accomplish my goals. It's easy to get distracted. Needing is one thing, but getting--getting's another.

What do you need, to help you get what you want?



17 comments:

  1. Wow. Their videos amaze me. And then the lyrics. At least this one I could hear the lyrics; I'll be able to listen to them the next time, when I'm not completely amazed by the video itself. Thanks for sharing this.

    Do your kids come when you call them on text? Perhaps some training is in order. ;)

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    1. None of my children come right when I call them. Usually they say, "Okay, one sec." Then I start to count the seconds, loudly, until they arrive, so they understand how much time they took!

      When I call Two via text, my messages are no longer than his: "Two. Garbage." Followed shortly thereafter by "Two!!!! Now!!!!" I think it captures my tone beautifully.

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  2. Did you text back "What's the magic word?" :D

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    1. My comment box just said "Comment should not be empty," as if I didn't already know that. Of course I strive for vibrant, engaging commentary, but I think I can be forgiven for the occasional shallow reply. Sheesh. Blogger is so judgmental.

      To answer your question: No. Simply because he loses interest after the third word.

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  3. Awesome. I love that, and also your thoughts on change and responsibility to self. I love how you're raising your kids and that they want to share these things with you. So many don't. I sense you will have wonderful kids who will return to the fold with much love and gratitude after they have had their adventures.

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    1. From your fingers to God's ears. It is fun to have common interests, and I like that they think I'm tuned in enough to pop culture that we can talk. We'll see how much they share about the important things, though.

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  4. We text. Tons. I love it more than I can say. Getting a funny picture or a cute joke or a dinner invitation from my grown-up babies just makes my day.

    That connection he has right now with you? It will last, I can tell. ;)

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    1. I sent my mother pictures from all the parties this past weekend. I love my iPhone, because I just snap it and forward it along! It's almost like she's here with us.

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  5. OMG. That's how my One communicates too! And to show umpteen videos! Funny ;)

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    1. Last night's selections were "Independent Musicians." Street musicians, subway singers, and dub-steppers. It became a negotiation: "Okay, just watch this last one and then I swear I'll pick out my clothes and go to bed." Uh-huh.

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  6. Hehe Mine don't text me, but that's because I haven't bought them phones. Of course, knowing my son, he'd probably text me while he was talking to me, probably interrupting someone else in the process.

    The video is fantastic. Those guys are creative folks.

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    1. Yes, o wise one, your vision of the future is clear.

      Aren't they great? I showed Two the Rube Goldberg one last year, so he reciprocated with this one. I've been humming all day.

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  7. I love OkGo. I haven't checked them out in a while. Looks like I need to again. Love the lyrics.
    I predict that you will have a good adult relationship with your kids based on the fact that you respect the way they want to communicate with you rather than forcing a more mainstream way on them.
    If you're like me, they'll tell you WAY more than your really want to hear! But I wouldn't change it for the world.

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  8. Yes. I recently picked Two and some of his friends up from a party, and after a few minutes of them whispering among themselves, Two's friend said, "A friend of ours showed up at the party really drunk, Mrs. D, and we were trying to help her and she threw up all over the couch." I remained calm while they spilled all the details, in the hope that they'll always feel comfortable, even if I'm a little horrified.

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  9. I have no heavy deep confession to make, but enjoyed the lyrics. :-)

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    1. The Diaries exist mainly for enjoyment, so no worries. Naval gazing is optional.

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  10. i text with my mom all the time, especially pics of the sp, but to share something i've read or thought of...i've encourage several of my pals to text with their adult kids which they resist because it's "so impersonal"...it's not. it's just a connection, in shorthand. :) I love the lyrics. If i think about what I need (to survive my classroom: caffeine, to feel happy: my baby and a good night's sleep which seem mutually exclusive; in general: a shower) it makes me feel tired!

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Thanks for reading! Unlike other Diaries, this one isn't private. Feel free to share your thoughts. Politely, of course.