13 February 2012

Grade School Grifter

I've mentioned before that Five likes to visit his school store. The problem is that it's only open one day a month, which means I have to write it in my date book or suffer his wrath for denying him the chance to purchase small plastic monsters and cool erasers. As much as I appreciate the constant fodder for "How I Failed Five Today," I can live without his withering looks, so I have accurately recorded all the remaining business hours.

The store was open last Wednesday, so I put three dollars in his lunch box and reminded him to go shopping.  When he got off the bus--let me just interject to say it takes Five a solid minute to say good-bye to his homies before disembarking. Then he likes to stand at the curb, wave some hook-em horns and headbang like a rock god as the bus drives away, all while I yell, "Get in the van, Five!--I asked what he'd purchased that day.

"Oh, I got three monsters, but I traded them to some kid for two of his Skylanders."

"Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure" is a new video game. Players have figurines they place on a "Portal of Power" which activates the figurine in the game. It's a brilliant money-making scheme. Toys 'R Us can't keep them in stock.

"What?!" I said, "Who traded you two Skylanders, Five? They're worth ten dollars each!"

"Some kid Jose. He said he doesn't want them anymore. But he really wanted my monsters."

If I was Jose's mom, I would not be happy when he came home and showed me the three cheap monsters he traded for twenty dollars worth of video game figures.

"What grade is Jose in?"

"Second."

"Is he in your class?"

"No, I see him at lunch."

"Okay. Tomorrow you're going to bring back the Skylanders. It's not a fair trade, Five."

"But he doesn't want them anymore, Mom!"

"That may be true, Five, but I'm pretty sure his parents don't want him trading his expensive toys for cheap school store monsters. You have to bring them tomorrow, and ask if he wants them back."

"Okay," he mumbled.

These situations throw me for a loop. Over the years, we've told the boys not to bet their friends. However, when  you do (it's fairly inevitable), you can't squelch. A man's word is his honor. Likewise, if you trade your toy to your friend, you can't ask for it back in two days. Think before you act.  If someone offers you a trade, be fair; don't take advantage. Do the right thing.

These concepts may be difficult to understand in second grade, so I didn't immediately conclude that Five was a scam artist. But I have my suspicions. The next day he came home and told me his friend Tony was going to give him some Skylanders for his early birthday present. His birthday is in September.

My little grifter is working the long con.


17 comments:

  1. LOL I've had this conversation with my #1 Son. I still think he accidentally on purpose doesn't get it. :)

    He's working the long con. Too funny.

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    1. Well, Five only agreed to bring one back because the other one was damaged, so I'm not sure he was completely listening,either.

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  2. Is it a guy thing? I don't remember that being an issue with you and your sisters. A word of encouragement: Your brother turned out okay! So I guess I'm saying, stay with your program.

    He is so cute that Five!

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    1. He is cute, especially when he's pink with fever. Sean took a while to turn out okay, so I'm hoping for a good college experience for them all.

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  3. Been there, done that. I've been floored by the stuff my kids come home with. And even more surprising, most of the parents didn't care that it wasn't a fair trade. They were just happy to get rid of the STUFF!

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    1. Yes, I gave the parents a few days to react, but I still haven't heard from them. Maybe they realized Skylanders would deplete their bank account, and decided to cut their losses!

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  4. I never understand the desire to trade. I liked my stuff.

    I'm at the part of the semester where you're talking about ethics and snazzy things like The Golden Rule. I'm always amazed by students who think they'll be able to run the long con without ever being taken themselves.

    youth = optimism?

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    1. The polite word in our house is "naivete."

      Oh, the lies I used to tell my professors...
      before I got clean, of course. Then I was a very good student!

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  5. I'm so behind on commenting, but first! Yay, Fabulous February!

    Today my son stole a car. He's not yet two. So it was a good thing it was a matchbox car. And that it wasn't from a retail outlet. We dropped Sister off at school today and when I put him back in his car seat, I noticed the green (unfamiliar to our fleet) car in his hand. He's not in for the long con. He's simply in for the "I'm too short for them to notice me taking things." He was unamused that I took it away AND gave it back to Sister's teacher. This does not bode well for his future. Though I expect my Mother's Day presents to get appreciably better if he continues with his distract/disarm/steal you blind tactics.

    Feel better, Five!

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    1. My nephew is in pick-pocket training. He has an older sister and a twin sister, and all are less than two years apart. He's been working the chaos angle since he could walk. The first time he slept over our house, my sister-in-law warned me to check his bookbag before he left. We emptied it out on the dining room table and took a picture. It had four planes, about a half dozen cars, and actual dollar bills. We've since installed x-ray machines at our doors. We got a good deal from the TSA.

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  6. aahhh you're raising a little confidence man!

    They are compelled to trade..it's a boy thing. The girls "give" each other cheap necklaces and then howl that they want them back. It's just another brand of the same crap. I'm very "You leave here with what you brought here. No giving away, lending or trading." As far as that goes...

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    1. Yes, we keep telling them not to take any money or stuff from their friends. A lot of good that does. Today we were writing our Valentines and Five said "Oh, this one's for Brynn. She owes me a dollar. It was a bet." Upon noticing his parents exasperated expressions he qualified with, "But it was her idea!"

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  7. My brother and I didn't give, sell, buy, or trade. Our stuff was good and we liked it ... and our parents would have torn us a new one if we'd done any of the above. We were unbelievably obedient children. It was very weird.

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    1. There's nothing wrong with being obedient. Or weird.

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  8. well *grumbles* I think it was weird. We were the same way, Skye. I have very few tales to tell when people start telling hair-raising stories of their teen years. And the ones I do have invariably result in comments like, "That was the worst thing you ever did? Seriously? What kind of lame teenager were you?" Unfortunately I hit my rebellious years after I was married and had kids and couldn't do anything about it.

    Love these stories, Megan. Your boys are a hoot.

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  9. I'm with Carrie, I liked my stuff. I didn't have much and I knew I'd not be getting more. Also, I'm a big ol' shellfish.

    I laughed at the adorableness of Five, but I also truly feel for you here, gah... having to restate these lessons over so many times!

    He's gonna make a great Whatever-it-turns-out-to-be because he's smart and he's creative!

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  10. Raising boys is so different to raising girls. My son was extremely creative, and still is, when it comes to "making a deal." I do remember when he was a young boy, he took something that didn't rightly belong to him and I dragged him back to the owner to return it and apologize. He was so embarassed, and I don't think he ever did it again. So, lesson learned. I hope. : )

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