Lately, I feel the blog is about nothing but pain and struggle. Today is no different.
This afternoon I got a recorded message from the high school that a senior class student had died in the morning. One is a senior, and Two knows a lot of upperclassmen from football, chorus, and theater (he has diverse interests). I texted him to remind him about a form, and asked if he knew who had passed away. It was a young man named Sean, who was in the fall play with him, and is also in his choral group. I started to cry in the kitchen.
Sean was a terrific young man. My father-in-law has known him since he was an alter boy at our church. I saw him at an academic honors ceremony in the fall. He gave a stand-out performance in the fall play, and was scheduled to perform in the spring musical. He had a lovely singing voice. I am crying again.
I am heartbroken for his family. It is impossible to quantify the love that a parent feels for their child. There is only comparison, a benchmark against which one can measure the "greater than." In that same way, I cannot begin to imagine the depth of their despair. I hope I will never know it.
I feel for all his friends, and my own son, as they struggle to understand the death of someone their own age. Because there is no understanding it. There is no explanation. There is just disbelief and sorrow. And there is no salve for the pain. Time may lessen it. But there will always be a void where Sean should be standing, a space that cannot be filled, because he is irreplaceable.
I can't stop crying.