23 February 2011

There Are No Words That Make This Better

Lately, I feel the blog is about nothing but pain and struggle. Today is no different.

This afternoon I got a recorded message from the high school that a senior class student had died in the morning. One is a senior, and Two knows a lot of upperclassmen from football, chorus, and theater (he has diverse interests). I texted him to remind him about a form, and asked if he knew who had passed away. It was a young man named Sean, who was in the fall play with him, and is also in his choral group. I started to cry in the kitchen.

Sean was a terrific young man. My father-in-law has known him since he was an alter boy at our church. I saw him at an academic honors ceremony in the fall. He gave a stand-out performance in the fall play, and was scheduled to perform in the spring musical. He had a lovely singing voice. I am crying again.

I am heartbroken for his family. It is impossible to quantify the love that a parent feels for their child. There is only comparison, a benchmark against which one can measure the "greater than." In that same way, I cannot begin to imagine the depth of their despair. I hope I will never know it.

I feel for all his friends, and my own son, as they struggle to understand the death of someone their own age. Because there is no understanding it. There is no explanation. There is just disbelief and sorrow. And there is no salve for the pain. Time may lessen it. But there will always be a void where Sean should be standing, a space that cannot be filled, because he is irreplaceable.

I can't stop crying.


  1. Anonymous23.2.11

    Oh Sweetie I know! We just lost two boys who attended the school all my witchlings graduated from. It MUST be the worst loss on the planet.
    We watch "America's Most Wanted" because John Walsh is my all time hero. What this man did, and is still doing, with his pain and anger, is so phenomenal. I always say I adore him, but I NEVER want to be in his club.
    The only thing we can do for the family and friends of those who have suffered such a devastating blow is hold them in our hearts, pray, (if that is comforting) and hug our own babies close.

  2. I saw Two had said something on FB. So sorry to hear.

    Every day is precious and it sometimes takes another's tragedy to remind us of that. On the nights I remember to pray before I pass out, the first thing I say is "Thank you God for keeping my family healthy and safe today." If I say nothing else, at least I know I got that in. I believe I can deal with most anything else that comes my way– just not THAT. I don't know people do it. We have SO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR. Sending hugs~

  3. This is too overwhelming for words. And I also consider the health and well-being of my family and friends to be the most critical prayer. And sufficient unto itself. The children in our family are half-grown already and they still strike me as impossibly fragile.

    On a dramatically lighter note, I must say that I don't see how you can continually miss the nuance between pizza in the restaurant for Five and pizza brought home in the car for the rest of the family. It seems awfully straightforward to me!

  4. How horrible and tragic. This is just not suppose to be. I can't imagine what his family is going through and I am grateful for that inability. i'm thinking of you all.

  5. By the way, this blog is not about pain and struggle. It is about love and struggle, compromise and forgiveness, joy and humor, words and lyricism. Also the many available brands of testoterone, including Lite and Extra Strength. The pain is just the price of admission to having and living a real life.

  6. Wishing peace of mind and strength of spirit to you and yours.

  7. And now I'm crying, too. That family and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. I never want to know how that feels. Ever.

  8. Anonymous23.2.11

    It's always hard when someone we know dies, and especially so when they are young. It's also kinda scary being a 'kid' and having someone your own age die...it's just not supposed to happen.
    Will be thinking of you, your boys and Sean's family.

  9. Thanks, everyone, for your kind, and encouraging thoughts today. I have stopped crying, and Two is coping. All his brothers have been very sweet, and checking up on him. It is a difficult thing to process for them all, and they are trying their best.

    Now we prepare for what lies ahead for Two: the viewing, and the funeral. His choral group is going to sing at the funeral, which will be heartbreaking. I am counting my blessings.


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